What Your Favorite 1990’s Beanie Baby Says About You Now


Is it just me, or were the 90’s the best freaking time of our generation.

Buzzfeed

Quackers the Duck: your dumb optimistic ass joined Teach for America

Quackers the Duck: your dumb optimistic ass joined Teach for America

Strength: Relentless optimism
Flaw: You never ever quit. Ever. Seriously never. Please, just give up already.
Profession: Teach for America Teacher, and you stayed past your commitment. Of course.
Location: Ruining cocktail parties across the US with social justice banter.

2. Mystic the Unicorn: an EDM dj

Mystic the Unicorn: an EDM dj

Strength: You always keep up with current trends, and you score free tickets for pals.
Flaw: You are VERY into yourself. You make Kimye look Mother Teresa modest.
Location: Probably Cochella
Trivia: Once shared an ice cream cone with Tiesto. Yes, we saw it on your instagram.

3. Chocolate the Moose: you do something at a cool company

Chocolate the Moose: you do something at a cool company

Strength: You are well liked.
Flaw: You care too much about what other people think of you.
Profession: You work for a non-profit, or netflix, google, groupon, somewhere likeable.
Location: Boston or Chicago

4. Lucky the Ladybug: an ironic government employee

Strength: Reasonable, logical, organized
Flaw: Everyone thinks you can help them, and you really can’t.
Profession: You work for the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Favorite Phrase: “Do you have the required documents?”

5. Peking the Panda Bear: an international business person

Strength: Stability, longevity, financial planning
Flaw: You cannot stray from the plan, for any reason.
Trivia: At age 28 you already have $30,00 in your Roth IRA, but you’ve only been on one date since college.
Location: Jet setting

6. Pouch the Kangaroo: stay at home mom/ blogger

Strength: Pinterest boards on point
Flaw: None. We want to hate you, but your kids are precious, your body is banging, and that pulled pork crock pot recipe was bomb.
Location: Our hometown.
Profession: Being the daughter my mother always wanted.

7. Speedy the Turtle: a weed dispensary worker

Strength: Hilarious and chill
Flaw: Little to no intrinsic motivation
Profession: Weed dispenser
Location: Florida

8. Patti the Platypus: your chatty dental hygenist

Strength: Friendly and positive disposition
Flaw: Incessant chatter about random bullshit while your fingers are in our mouths.
Trivia: Too easy. We all know everything about you
Location: Anywhere HMOs are accepted.

9. Flash the Dolphin: a closeted gay Republican Senator

Strength: Uphold traditional American family values
Flaw: You are a bigot, liar, and want to, “Make America Great Again.”
Trivia: Your name is also one of your favorite hobbies.
Location: California

Nip the Cat: making it

Strength: The ability to land on all fours 100% of the time.
Flaw: Your success makes others feel inferior.
Idol: Tim Gunn, “Make it work!”
Profession: You worked at a start up that took off, started your own business, still had time to drop an itunes album.

11. Web the Spider: a community organizer/ social justice advocate

Strength: You are all things good and equitable, great at making connections.
Flaw: You cannot shut up about your current cause or campaign.
Location: Brooklyn, NY (we know, we know, your family was there before the gentrification)

12. Humphrey the Camel: a doctor and huge slut

Strength: You’re extremely charming and charismatic.
Flaw: You’ve had sex more times than all the other beanies combined.
Trivia: Got rejected from med school on your first attempt.
Location: DC

13. Slither the Snake: your start-up failed, now you do porn.

Strength: Free spirit
Flaw: Not midwestern parent approved.
Trivia: Starred in 378 “movies” since 2011.
Location: Houston, Texas

14. Squealer the Pig: just finished law school

Strengths: Intelligence, drive, and humor. You’re a packaged squeal.
Flaw: Your life is always harder, your hours always longer, your day always worse.
Trivia: Works “80 hours a week,” but at least 20 hours are lunch, dinner, and internet trolling.
Location: Wherever the money is (a.k.a. nowhere near me)

15. Digger the Crab: what the hell do you do?

Strength: Adventurous, you’re always down to try something new.
Flaw: You are completely disorganized.
Profession: We don’t know. We think you may be a travel writer meets bartender meets promoter meets humanitarian, but we can’t be sure.

16. Happy the Hippo: computer programmer and coder

Strength: Can make all of our websites. You actually know what the internet is.
Flaw: Boring.
Trivia: Favorite foods are burgers and fries.
Location: Denver or Portland

17. Pinky the Flamingo: an exotic dancer

Strength: You are fun, ambitious, and always down to brunch or pool.
Flaw: Sad eyes give a glimpse into your past dreams to be a prima ballerina.
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada in a house you actually own.

18. Curly the Bear: accountant

Strength: Stability and classic American style.
Flaw: You’re. So. Boring. You were #basic before that was even a thing.
Favorite Phrase: “It is what it is.” Yeah, we know, that is how being a noun works.
Location: Philly, but somehow you make it seem boring.

19. Pinchers the Lobster: specialty chef

Strength: Creative, successful, and a deliciously craveable instagram.
Flaw: You’ve gained a little weight tasting your food, but damn it, it looks good on you.
Favorite Phrase: “Anyone can cook,”- Chef Gusteau, from Ratatouille.
Location: Manhattan, New York

20. Nuts the Squirrel: fresh out of rehab

Strength: You are the life of the party.
Flaw: No limits, boundaries, or credit.
Trivia: You’ve been to rehab a few times, but this time, we know you can do it!
Motto: “The Motto,” by Drake

Source: Buzzfeed

-Hymer

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